The thing about always supporting the ones close to you, is that the feeling of betrayal is so much more when they have (and take) the chance to turn around and destroy you without hesitation.

There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow.

Apparently, I have a habit of coming back to this blog when my emotional integrity has been compromised.

I've been listening to sad songs recently, because I find music brings words to the emotions I can't convey. It brings my mind at ease, thinking, "oh, these lyrics sound familiar, they feel familiar."

It's hard for me to converse how I feel; most of the times, I don't know how I feel at all. It's so confusing. A reason I came up with is probably because I'm empathizing with others too much instead of focusing on what I solely want.

But what do I want?-- I'm not even sure anymore.

However, it doesn't stop others from freely voicing their opinions, their wants and needs. I feel like an elastic band, being pulled in two different directions. Stretching and stretching, trying to accommodate for both parties, but they don't know, no wait, they do know, that I'm breaking. They just don't care that I am. They don't care that I'm exhausted; mentally, emotionally, so much that it's affecting me physically.

I remember feeling love. I remember being able to be in love.

But unfortunately, I'm too drained to feel anything when it comes to love now.

Sometimes I think,   

"I wish I was just alone."

--Ophelia 

Tonight Won't Make a Difference

Okay, okay, it's been forever since my last post, I know. But you know what? So many things have happened. I'll get to catching up later. Right now I just want to get this off my chest.

I'm sensitive. I know I am.

Little things you say or little things you do might not seem like a big deal. But I'm very observant so of course I'll pick up on it. I'll think about it over and over again until it drives me crazy. I'll come up with reasons as to why things were said, why things were done; and no matter how much I try to rationalize, it always comes down to me.

'It's your fault.'
'It's because of you.'
'You're a fool.'
'Don't think so highly of yourself.'
'You're nothing special.'
'You never were.'

These thoughts find themselves racing across my mind; over and over again. Just repeating; one after the other.

To the people I care about, I want them to be happy. I want to make them happy. When they think of me, I want them to remember good things about me. I want them to be able to talk about me with only good things.

I'm-

I'm starting to feel like I can't open up anymore.
If I keep up this barrier, this facade, will it be okay?

For now, I'll just rely on this blog to let me open up. It won't be found until later on anyways.

Buon Giorngo, readers!

It is a new year, thus a new chapter in our lives and I just wanted to tell you that I have started a new blog! Oh no, I'm not abandoning this one. Because this one will always be about everyday things. The other one will be all my adventures and stories about interviews.

I think my work will speak for itself so I would be honored, or just plain happy if you took the time to read it. I'll try to update it with every interview I experience.

*Click*

19/11/2010

Okay, well... I won't be able to pull off my... err... somewhat New Year's resolution, haha.

But anyways! It's snowing everybody! You know what that means! Snowball fights, snowmen, ice skating, shoveling, igloo making and Christmas!

But before that, let me tell you. Unlike all those snow-haters out there, I really don't dislike snow.

As a matter of fact. I love snow.

In my eyes, snow is the symbol of renewal. Snow is there to build up, and as spring time comes, it melts away. Once it's melted, spring comes with a flurry of blooming flowers and chirping birds. It's the process of a new beginning. It's life telling us that this is a new chapter in our lives. A clean slate. Thus people come up with New Year's resolutions.


But anyways!

Today I helped my mom put up the Christmas tree. That was fun.
I'm actually unsure if there's sarcasm in there or not.

On a side note, I've finally applied for a bank account.
*cough*online.*cough*

And! In two days, I will apparently get an email to go to the bank with 2 pieces of identification and a cheque of $50 minimum to cash in. So yay~! I finally got that out of the way!

More to update later!... In a few days!

See ya!

--Ophelia.