Tonight Won't Make a Difference

Okay, okay, it's been forever since my last post, I know. But you know what? So many things have happened. I'll get to catching up later. Right now I just want to get this off my chest.

I'm sensitive. I know I am.

Little things you say or little things you do might not seem like a big deal. But I'm very observant so of course I'll pick up on it. I'll think about it over and over again until it drives me crazy. I'll come up with reasons as to why things were said, why things were done; and no matter how much I try to rationalize, it always comes down to me.

'It's your fault.'
'It's because of you.'
'You're a fool.'
'Don't think so highly of yourself.'
'You're nothing special.'
'You never were.'

These thoughts find themselves racing across my mind; over and over again. Just repeating; one after the other.

To the people I care about, I want them to be happy. I want to make them happy. When they think of me, I want them to remember good things about me. I want them to be able to talk about me with only good things.

I'm-

I'm starting to feel like I can't open up anymore.
If I keep up this barrier, this facade, will it be okay?

For now, I'll just rely on this blog to let me open up. It won't be found until later on anyways.