I'm crumbling.

Have you ever felt that certain type of loneliness where you feel as if there's no one there for you? The loneliness of not being able to talk to any one person about your worries, your problems, of what has happened to you?

You feel like you're drowning and all this pressure and sadness piles on top of you and nothing or no one can lessen the load. And the worst part is when you're left alone, with all those thoughts swirling in your head; they tear at you from the inside out. You're in a constant state of depression and worry.

'Where do I go from here?'
'What's right? What's wrong?'
'What am I supposed to do?'

I've been rereading past conversations, remembering past experiences and memories, and it makes me relive past emotions. It makes me second guess everything I've ever known about myself. I always thought I was a good person, or if anything, at least a good enough person. I thought I had my priorities straight and my morals aligned, but the past few months led me to believe differently about myself, and I start wondering if I ever was a good person.

A good person wouldn't hurt others.
A good person wouldn't make others cry.
A good person wouldn't tear relationships apart.
A good person wouldn't drive others into a spiraling depression.


A good person would make everyone happy...

and I am not a good person.

In fact, I'm the worst kind of person you could imagine.

And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell.


--Ophelia