The thing about always supporting the ones close to you, is that the feeling of betrayal is so much more when they have (and take) the chance to turn around and destroy you without hesitation.

There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow.

Apparently, I have a habit of coming back to this blog when my emotional integrity has been compromised.

I've been listening to sad songs recently, because I find music brings words to the emotions I can't convey. It brings my mind at ease, thinking, "oh, these lyrics sound familiar, they feel familiar."

It's hard for me to converse how I feel; most of the times, I don't know how I feel at all. It's so confusing. A reason I came up with is probably because I'm empathizing with others too much instead of focusing on what I solely want.

But what do I want?-- I'm not even sure anymore.

However, it doesn't stop others from freely voicing their opinions, their wants and needs. I feel like an elastic band, being pulled in two different directions. Stretching and stretching, trying to accommodate for both parties, but they don't know, no wait, they do know, that I'm breaking. They just don't care that I am. They don't care that I'm exhausted; mentally, emotionally, so much that it's affecting me physically.

I remember feeling love. I remember being able to be in love.

But unfortunately, I'm too drained to feel anything when it comes to love now.

Sometimes I think,   

"I wish I was just alone."

--Ophelia